My mind Racing through the misty mountains at dawn. Scattering my thoughts on the sands of time like laughter leaping over silver puddles of rain. Bewilderment adorns your faces like a keep sake you mouth the one word the future allows pardon- like a guest entering the small dark closet apologizing to the clothes. ~I AM~ I am the water that hugs the planet The wisp of air that hugs the sea I am the ray of sun that stops and the waters waking edge, than blinks... I am the murmur of the billows, The point of lance at battle, I am the storm that cannot be tamed over the landscape in your dreams. Sitting impatiently by the window looking out over a world beckoning me to explore it My body is riveted, its all my strength to keep in my chair. To see, to taste, to breath My heart ready to jump from my chest My eyes burning and alive. I am homesick for the world, even while I am in it. I wish... In the city of your heart you would let me be the street.... where you walk, when you are most yourself. Whisper-Wood How I treasure these moments before my day begins. Before my errands and my chores, before my work mates and my friends. And so I lay and close my eyes just one last dream before I go. One last dance, one last song, one last broadway show. I had a busy evening. I was dancing in my dreams, and walking in the rain at the edge of golden streams. Now I hate to leave my quiet mornings even though I know I should. So heres to tomorrow morn- When I return to whisper-wood I feel my aching need to devour all I see To capture and create like a hellish raspsody. I want to be a hunter to feel my passion flow intoxicating fluids I want to feel,to need,to know. That what lies within is a vixen this secret naughty girl bent on reeking havoc while my twisted fingers flow around someones neck enticing all that feel the pain,the hurt,the high as they bruise me in the heal. I will be a captor- A huntress in the wood So I can feel and I can see all I know I should. For mom and dad: For every loving word and every gentle smile. For every little thing that pushed me that last mile. A soft spoken glance that echoed from your eyes or the way you always loved, has made me realize, That for every petal fallen and for every rainy day for all the words unspoken all the words that we don't say. Theres always that moment when nothings said, but all is known that moment when you look to see your child grown. And you hope with all your heart you've taught them well and made them strong you helped them to stand proudly and boldly sing their song. Now look into my eyes the windows to my heart and see that all I am every good and gracious part Came from the two of you my parents and my friends and always know that I will love you until forever ends. |
Some days you fling these unforgettable words at me. Not knowing you've hurt not feeling my pain. Its at times like these I see you Through the cobweb mists of hurt and the fractured light filtering through. An involuted maze of rage. So quietly I succumb. If what you loved was the movements of my dance why the annoyance- when I simply mis-step? Insulation clothes well till it suffocates And protection is safe till it isolates because- There was never a never so always as forever nor a permanence so flimsy as finished. Didnt write this one, thought it was neat. A window beyond the world of my choosing the way things could be the way things should be Unrepentant sinner a will-awaiting enthusiasm Something surely missing Something to be found A sense of wonder present from past awaiting re-awakening no sadness ever lasts You are what you make you become what you are you experience at the beginning what you feel at the end.
Grief Some griefs (and I know mine by name) twist so terribly deep that instead of crying you carry them like inoperable bullets inside your flesh. And feel their twinges every few seconds without letting on to your dearest. Damaged, beautiful griefs. That fit you like a bone. Am I brave? Am I strong? Am I right or am I wrong? Do I hurt or do I heal? I am not sure what I should feel- And so tonight I lay my head though confused upon my bed tomorrow is another day I'll wake, I'll live and boldly say I can. Shadowless Dawn In confidence, I stand In hiding, I sleep The hunger strikes me in my dream Not eloquent not beautiful Not simple, nor amusing but effortlessly it runs at me puddles of strength surround my feet In victory, I soar In triumph, I stand I am The shadowless dawn I live my life with all I am. Tripping as I go. And through it all (the pain and joy) there's one thing that I know. Life - It will not comfort you, it will not stop your fall. So even when you think you do, you'll never know it all. Freedom I mark this day a commemoration my finalization my vindication So long I have struggled- burdened in body, mind and soul But today as I hum a new song As I listen and begin to dance to the beat of my own beautiful music I realize at last In this war with my heart I have fought I have won- I am free. ( I wrote this 10 years ago, when I was disfellowshipped ) Its the fight that makes you stronger, and the war that makes you rough. This I have learned. But am I tough enough? There are moments when I worry, when I'm scared to look and see. I feel that I'll be frightened, of whats in front of me. Throughout my life I've stumbled. I've taken the wrong turn. But though I've messed up, its made me stop and learn. To look at my surroundings. To stop and think and act. This I never did before, and so my armor cracked. Though I'm a disappointment to all I know and love, I know who I hurt the most was my God above. So I will fight until I'm gone. Tp prove my constant sorrow. Without my family and my god I will not make it till tomorrow. Now my eyes are open I'm looking and I see that all I ever wanted was right in front of me. |
Why? My page sits before me void of writing. Decorated only be my tears. In a simple array they have fallen in place. As is solidifying my fate. How can I tell you about my pain? How your spiteful words batter. Words you dont know you say, like broken shards of glass upon the floor. Why is it, you are the cruel one, yet daily I feel as if I am in the wrong? That maybe- If I were anything different from me... You might be happy. And for that alone, I want to run away. DT He is the master of the polished word that gleams like burnished steel -jagged glass ground- Into the eyes of the burning sun. It pierces Sinks Deep and Uncaring Into my heart. Perhaps they are here something is.... something trails you sneaking from doorway to doorway like a cheap detective- something you cant shake a feeling with skin you turn around you turn and turn and turn dancing on the street corner like a compass needle gone crazy. At their height they might be two black stars or the small cold eyes on his face bereft of kindness in his words he bares the scroll of my life the story I dont know how to tell His endless orbiting relentless taunting spelling the same hurt again and again But he knows not.... I am stronger than he thinks. 12/11/2009 L.C.P. A throb, an ache, a mournful cry Beloved girl- and no good bye. Saddness, pain and dismal missing. Laughter, tears and reminiscing. Crying with, and than, alone. Hurting deep inside a groan. Disbelife hangs in the air To be.....than simply, not be there. Now Fury, wrath and misery are all that come to comfort me. Forgive? Never...... I must for her, To see her face, my heart beat stir Though desolate the hole may seem, with-in the truth, a hopeful theme. Resurrect Alive Again I have to make it through the end. Revelation~ We make ourselves a place apart behind light words that tease and flout but oh, the agitated heart till someone really finds us out. Tis pity if the case require (or so we say) that in the end we speak the literal to inspire the understanding of a friend But so with all, from babes that pray at hide and seek, from god afar. So all who hide to well away must speak and tell us ,where they are. ( I didn't write this poem, but it fills me with a strong feeling every time I read it. I think its the truth inside every person. Vulnerablility.) Subtle moments in which emotions seem weightless and the rain turns a slight shade -of crimson. Stars dim and eyes turn -awkward- left of no where spaced from the end I feel as if I'm out of place when the sun shines and the birds finally stop chirping Outside its raining Clouds are painted across the sky every different shade of grey. Magnificent and illuminous Blending with the smell of refreshed wet pavement Just waiting.... To be walked on and enjoyed. A daughter needs a dad..... To protect her from scary nighttime creatures. To answer the questions that keep her up at night. To make the complex simple and the painful, bearable. To protect her from thunder and lightning A daughter needs a dad..... So that when no one else is there for her she can close her eyes and see him. Because a daughter is never to old to need her dad. |
