That pretzel under the couch was just for you.  Something a little special for you helping me clean my house. 
I'm glad you came over to work out today, it was the last thing I needed to do.  I find myself getting irritated because I'm not losing any weight...I should measure myself and check the inches.  It was 14.25 that I lost last time, maybe it's more now.  But I'm eating entire BAGS of potato chips, I can't get my mind off Leah, and I don't care if I get big and weak. 
Then I regret it.
So today I had peanuts.  Honey roasted peanuts, but at least they're protein. 
Maybe we should both stop being so hard on our mommy bodies.  Guess what people????  We've had KIDS!!!!!  It's life's little simple reminders of our accomplishments.  You had a kid?  Now you're getting an award-stretch marks!  You've had two kids?  How about some cellulite to keep you going?!  3 kids?  Forget it!  You're getting flat boobs!  Hooray!!!!!
Seriously, in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter.  Looking fantastic and perfect is not what life is all about.  I have to keep telling myself that.
Besides, if I keep talking negative about myself, my girls will talk negative about themselves. 
There's my pep talk to myself.
I still can't stand to look at your abs.  They almost look pretend.  You suck.