wow...meandering thoughts. not interesting!!!
Posted by lizzy Grover on Friday, June 17, 2011
You ever just get so overwhelmed by the big things in life, you over think the little things? Thats my day today. One thing after another. I think everything coming to a head with well....everything...my head popped a little. Some people I love deeply had this big talk with me about relationships and moving forward and aack! It all freaked me out. Im not entirely sure I could ever totally trust someone like that again.
When you trust someone implicitly and than they break that trust. You feel like for the rest of your life you might be able to give someone else 90% but you'll keep 10 for yourself just as a protection. Does that make sense?
They also say you marry your best friend. Its hard to think thats really true. Its like something you watch in the movies. Though- I look at Sarah and Mike and mom and dad and its apparent it is possible. I've never been in a relationship with my best friend. To open up myself like that to someone else scares every fiber of my being. When you have been crushed before, do you open yourself up to be crushed again? Or do you keep your little wall there and move on with life? And if that is what you do.....can you have a happy life with that wall there? I've had a wall for almost seven years. Everyone knows that fun, loud, laughing lizzy....but there's a lot in there no one sees. Theres this protective wall there to. I'll open up a little to much and poof over think it and regret it. I just dont know where to start. I do know that I dont want to be alone forever.
I want to find my best friend. I want to have someone there who knows my everything and loves me in spite. Someone who can sit with me and we can talk about anything in the world. Good or bad, happy or sad. Someone who will be my shoulder and my strength and I will be theirs. One who at the end of the day you know they will be there when you walk through the door. How do you find that? Especially when you have no idea how to go about it?
An than theres the down side of me who thinks, but what if this great guy comes and actually gets to know me...and runs away? Why open myself up to that? The great adventurer that I am....as long as it doesn't involve my heart. I had someone say once that they had their heart trampled by a thousand horses. And I thought, "you too?" How do you open yourself up for that to happen again. Especially when after it all.... you so still want love.
For now I'll serve Jehovah with everything I have inside of me. I think my past makes me look at the truth from a very different angle. And alone or with someone I'll spend the rest of my life trying to show others how much we all need Jehovah in our lives. Even if we have been in the truth all our lives. Where would any of us be without Him.
sorry everyone.
When you trust someone implicitly and than they break that trust. You feel like for the rest of your life you might be able to give someone else 90% but you'll keep 10 for yourself just as a protection. Does that make sense?
They also say you marry your best friend. Its hard to think thats really true. Its like something you watch in the movies. Though- I look at Sarah and Mike and mom and dad and its apparent it is possible. I've never been in a relationship with my best friend. To open up myself like that to someone else scares every fiber of my being. When you have been crushed before, do you open yourself up to be crushed again? Or do you keep your little wall there and move on with life? And if that is what you do.....can you have a happy life with that wall there? I've had a wall for almost seven years. Everyone knows that fun, loud, laughing lizzy....but there's a lot in there no one sees. Theres this protective wall there to. I'll open up a little to much and poof over think it and regret it. I just dont know where to start. I do know that I dont want to be alone forever.
I want to find my best friend. I want to have someone there who knows my everything and loves me in spite. Someone who can sit with me and we can talk about anything in the world. Good or bad, happy or sad. Someone who will be my shoulder and my strength and I will be theirs. One who at the end of the day you know they will be there when you walk through the door. How do you find that? Especially when you have no idea how to go about it?
An than theres the down side of me who thinks, but what if this great guy comes and actually gets to know me...and runs away? Why open myself up to that? The great adventurer that I am....as long as it doesn't involve my heart. I had someone say once that they had their heart trampled by a thousand horses. And I thought, "you too?" How do you open yourself up for that to happen again. Especially when after it all.... you so still want love.
For now I'll serve Jehovah with everything I have inside of me. I think my past makes me look at the truth from a very different angle. And alone or with someone I'll spend the rest of my life trying to show others how much we all need Jehovah in our lives. Even if we have been in the truth all our lives. Where would any of us be without Him.
sorry everyone.